Let It Rest.

I think this same load of clean unfolded laundry has been on the couch for almost a week now. I just keep adding to it. Laundry day is quickly approaching again and we still have yet to enjoy the folded-ness of the last batches. It's not a difficult thing to do - fold laundry. But there's an emotional energy that it has been taking lately. It taunts me. I have yet to find the "homemaker" that must be buried deep inside somewhere. It is there, right? I feel like I should've found it by now. 

I say this like it’s something out of the ordinary – it’s not. This has pretty much been our new normal. I don’t like it, but nevertheless, it’s the truth. There are children’s books and toys scattered all over the floor, despite my attempt to purge our toy room. (This is how they learn, right?) I don’t even remember exactly what my kitchen counter looks like because it’s been so long since I’ve seen it without a mess of dishes, covering nearly the entire surface area. I have unfinished projects laid out everywhere. Boxes of gathered papers and paid bills that need to be filed. I’m pretty sure that if you looked up the definition of “hot mess” in the dictionary, my picture would be there.

It used to bother me more. It still bothers me, but it used to bother me more. I have more important things to think about these days. More important than ensuring the prettiness of my house or my yard. Considering goals for our future has taken over every thought and conversation, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. And I just need to let everything else rest for awhile. Just be undone for awhile, un-messed-with. My brain and my soul are exhausted from our important-yet-exhausting conversations, and I just need to let everything else be.